school

i've been thinking real hard and i've decided. i am not going to take up the Lasalle's offer letter.

17.5K per year is not a small sum and i am not going to risk that amount for 3 years on an education that couldn't really guarantee me a future. i am still very much into the whole school situation but not with lasalle i suppose. 53K is too big a sum.

i've decided. i will still apply for ntu. if they accept me, hooray for me ('cos partly because its cpf subsidised) and if they don't, i will have to continue my meager, low life.

dad is repeating the whole "get a clerical job" thing again. and he wants me to borrow from his brother. no and never will i beg for money. i never and will never ever borrow money from family, more or less, even from his side of the family. i sort of knew he was going to say all this anyway. anyway - over my dead decomposing body.

so now im betting my horses on ntu. i will have to leave it to faith and compassion.

my family hasn't known of this decision yet, maybe cos i can't talk to them. i can't get my side of the info into any immediate family member it seems. my voice is prolly too high a frequency that only dogs could understand.

up till now, cindy and dad knows i am going to the bank to get a loan. with lasalle, i will definitely need a loan. but it is a loan too huge for me to return. with ntu, i prolly still need a loan, but that will be mostly on allowances and miscellaneous cost like tuition grant and exams and materials. ntu's fees comes from cpf.

but there is a risk on betting ntu. i haven't met any designer i know that had even step into ntu. is it really that hard? why so difficult? because of this imminent difficulty getting into ntu, i would say i am slightly prepared of the rejection ntu may offer to me. of course, i still look forward to that flickering wavering glimmer of positive light that will have me embarking on my dream journey. i could only gasp and hope for the best and not slip into depression if ever a depressing note was told unto me.

i know dad has his reasons on this objection to me furthering my education. he is afterall going to retire the end of the year and that means no more financial stability. from his point of view, he can no longer support me financially if i were ever going to study. i know that of course, i haven't been living off them for since i started work, till even now. everything i own and eat and even bathe in, are out of my own pocket. and of course i thought of this. i will be taking part time jobs or freelance work or anything to feed myself.

with me studying, that would mean that i can't be helping out in the family finance side. and i think that worries my mom as she has been too accustom to me giving her allowances every month.